Making connections in the community: A step towards independence

by Sarah Lynch 

Increasing my son’s independence and supporting his social participation within the community has always been a priority. Recently, my son Kian, 14, has expressed his desire for more independence and agency over his decisions. Given that he has a moderate intellectual disability in the context of Down syndrome, creating opportunities for independence and social participation requires some delicate planning and support from others.

Within the past few months, Kian has become a client at our local barber, Mama’s Boy. When booking his first appointment, I asked him to choose his barber and he happily did, choosing Danielle, who has since become an important part of his life within the community.

After Kian’s first haircut with Danielle, he asked me if he could go on his own the next time and walk home by himself. Seeing his desire to be like other teenagers made me realize that there must be a way to make this happen for him, albeit in steps.

I spoke with Danielle about the possibility of “dropping him off ” while I stood waiting outside the barber. Without hesitation, she was on board. Over the next few haircuts, I would leave Kian to go in by himself, guide him to pay with my credit card and wait for him further and further down the street. While I waited outside, Kian was able to greet Danielle, the other clients and barbers, describe the type of haircut he wanted and enjoy some alone time without the presence of a parent. Once his haircut was done, I asked Danielle to ensure that he turned left when leaving the shop, guiding him towards my home.

As I watched him walk down the street a few weeks ago, his face showed an incredible sense of pride and accomplishment. He was learning how to go to an appointment, ask for what he wanted, pay, leave and then safely cross the street on his own for the first time.

This connection with Danielle and her willingness to support his autonomy has been a touching experience. We frequently walk by the barber and stop in to say hello. We are always greeted by Danielle, who will stop working to spend time with Kian. The last time we saw her, he brought her a rose.

We are planning a haircut in the coming weeks, and I can’t help but smile as I picture him walking into the barber shop with more confidence, excited to show off his new wallet with a prepaid Visa card inside.

My next challenge will be teaching him how to get inside my building on his own, but I realize that we are far from that moment. In the meantime, I will focus on the happiness and pride that Kian feels, while creating opportunities for him to be like every other teenager. 

I thank Danielle for her kind actions. I am so grateful for the compassion she has shown towards him. Small gestures can make a huge impact on someone’s life.

And Kian is grateful for finding his rose. 

Sarah Lynch is special education consultant for the English Montreal School Board and coordinator, Centre of Excellence for the Physically, Intellectually, and Multi-Challenged.