The hardest but best decision of my life
by Joanne Charron
My husband and I always wanted a family with four children. My first child was born with a handicap due to an accident at birth, which left him with spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy and non-verbal. We cared for him and loved him like any other child.
In the back of our minds and in our hearts, we still wanted to have more children but were worried that it would take away our full attention to him. At the same time, how could we deny him siblings and being surrounded by family and love? We wondered: Would it be good for him to only have us and be isolated? Would it be good for us and our family dynamic only to concentrate on him and his handicap?
We realized that this was our “normal,” so why wouldn’t we have other children? Of course, there was always the worry that our next child could have a handicap as well, but we knew that it was not a genetic issue. Despite our fears we decided it was time to have another child. I became pregnant and held my breath the whole nine months, blocking out any worry and negativity and despite the reactions to my pregnancy by friends and family.
An experience that is supposed to be happy turned into one containing accusations. People said: “Why are you doing this?” or “It’s not fair to your son” or “It will take all your time away from him” or “How can you bring another child into a world of disability?” or “It’s not fair for them to be surrounded by that” or “You’re selfish.”
We were shocked and in disbelief. I guess they believed that they were acting in our son’s best interest. But so were we, and it was the best thing we ever did. My second child was born, and when I held him in my arms the world changed. I broke down the moment he was delivered. The doctors and nurses couldn’t understand why. Through my tears I explained I had been holding my breath for nine months, and, when he was born without incident and was well with all 10 fingers and toes, against everyone’s misgivings, I could breathe. He made our decision right and brought balance into our lives.
We now have three children, and they are glued to one another. We have life, love and laughter in the house, and the two younger siblings won’t do anything without their brother. This is their normal and they wouldn’t have it any other way. We never did have a fourth child, but I believe a “fourth” is our advocacy for all children and adults with handicaps, and that is what we do through deeds and by example.
Joanne Charron is president of The C.A.R.E. Centre (www.carecentre.org) and president of the Comité des usagers du LLMRC Users' Committee (www.llmrc.ca). She is special advisor to Inspirations. Contact her at charronjoanne@gmail.com.
